The Wanderer's Corner

Author: The Wanderer’s Corner

  • Following Up – Thank You! Merci! Shukran!

    After any encounter, if you want it go further than just someone you met somewhere, you need to follow up. These days a follow-up is almost done entirely on email.

    Now, here is where many many leads are lost (I myself am quit guilty of this). We collect business cards, we collect emails and iffy LinkedIn contacts and are told and encouraged – follow up with me so we can connect further on <insert topic>. Sometimes, you are asked to follow up because there isn’t time at said event to discuss the topic in-depth. Other times, you are following up on an application (the hey, did you forget about me), or after an interview (the thank you note) or sometimes you need someone to take an action. I can tell you, out of the thousands of people I have spoken in front of and shared my contact information, less than 50 have followed up directly with me afterwards.

    So, even before you read this post – commit to following up with everyone for a month.

    However, all follow-ups contain a few key common elements.

    First, remember that if you are following up, you have already had an encounter with the person. It’s a really wonderful thing to start off with a warm contact. This could be someone you met at a networking event, a speaker, an interviewer. In your note, make sure you indicate how you met and feel free to utilize something to help them jog their memory (I was the one who told the story about hand-gliding). I know it seems obvious, but depending on the length of time since your last point of contact, they may not remember you. It also sets the stage for how you will structure the rest of the message.

    Second, keep it professional. I have heard story after story of how people lost the job, or ended the connection because they were “too familiar” with the person, or over-shared or something else that wasn’t professional. Generally, if you are following up, you want something from the person. You need them to do something for you (meet with you, hire you, etc.). This means pay attention to your grammar, and don’t say things like “Wow, it was great seeing that not all middle-aged people are blowhards.”

    Third, think about the content of the email. This follow-up may be your last shot (if it’s a thank you note for example) or should set the tone. Do you want to highlight aspects of your experience, you didn’t get to talk about in the interview? This is where you need to be deliberate and specific about your request of the person. If you need an in-person meeting, then state that. If you need them to respond to something then state that too. However, if this is a follow-up from a networking event, this is NOT the time to ask them – hey, can you hire me. Or if you interviewed, this is NOT the time to ask “How did I do?” or “What are my chances?” If you aren’t the best writer, ask a friend to review the email before you send it. Before sending emails where I want a response, I often type a first draft. Wait at least an hour, come back and read it and then check – Is it clear? Does it have a specific ask? Does it outline what’s in it for them? Does it push my brand? Are there any typos? And be warm and friendly.

    Last, don’t stalk the person. I have been a victim of the “professional stalk” and all it does it turn me off from wanting to help me. Remember that people are busy. You should allow at least one week for a response. As I said in my earlier post on The Cold Email, you don’t want to stalk people.

  • The Imposter Syndrome – A Personal Journey

    Recently, thanks to my own executive coach (because even the coach needs a coach. She’s wonderful), I’ve been reading “The Empress Has No Clothes” by Joyce Roche. It’s a wonderful book about how many times when we achieve success, we feel inadequate or like we didn’t deserve it. We feel that we aren’t deserving of such success and that we will be “found out.” I have spoken to many people and this is a phenomenon that transcends gender or race. It’s a problem not just applicable to corporate America. It’s that feeling that when we meet our graduate school classmates and one founded some billion-dollar start-up and the other rescues bald eagles on the weekends that we are the charity admissions case. I have coached more than one women entering business school with a non-traditional background, i.e. not consulting or finance, who has minimized her efforts. I have spoken to young men who feel they aren’t good enough despite evidence to the contrary.

    In Joyce’s book, she talks about the syndrome as a need to work ever harder and prove your value. I have the syndrome, but in some ways I did the opposite. I knew I didn’t belong and set myself up for failure. I self-sabotaged and always waited for the other shoe to drop. I would leave assignments have finished, or procrastinate, or just do things to so that expectations would be lowered. When people spoke of my talent, I didn’t believe them. Deep down inside, I didn’t feel I deserved what I had, so externally I made myself look like what my internal felt.

    I can remember very vividly when I received my last job. The EVP was extremely excited for me to join and spoke very highly of me. Yet, inside I didn’t believe that I was capable or worthy. I could name half a dozen people who would have the drive and the ability to succeed. My first thought was not “Heck yeah you want me on your team because I’m amazing,” but it was “Darn, what if I completely fail at this? I have no idea what I am doing.”

    This syndrome is different than insecurity. The hard part is that we know we are talented. We just believe we aren’t “good enough” or just aren’t as talented as the next person. We believe, despite all the external evidence to the contrary, that we are fraudsters, waiting until someone calls us out for having no clothes on.

    There is no singularly way to let go of the feeling. In her book, several of the essays take a multitude of approaches. Some turn to yoga, some have an epiphany, some turn to therapy. For me, here’s what work. The first step in overcoming the syndrome is to admit that you have those feelings. Share them. Find people, your alma mater, a networking group. Meet with them regularly. Discuss your feelings. Journal (blog like I am) but find a safe way to discuss it.

    The second step is to figure out a plan to fight it. Every case is different, but work with someone to create a plan. Create steps that you can measure, that are small.

    The third step is the hardest – list out every single accomplishment you have had over the last five, 10, lifetime. List out all of the wonderful things people have said about you. Keep it in a book. Write it down. Make it count. Realize that you did all of these things because of the talents you possess. Make a dream board.

    Additionally, there are several very good articles including this wonderful list by Joyce herself – http://shriverreport.org/10-ways-to-overcome-impostor-syndrome-joyce-roche/

    So what about me? I wish I could say that things changed suddenly, but like everyone else it is a journey. But I can tell that they have changed and that feels better than having no clothes.